NLA 2020/2021
Sat 06.11.21, 14:00 Hours
| Allmend Brunau, Zürich
A Win in the Grasshoppers' Universe
On a day on a planet that has no significance in the scope of the universe, some forty-odd organisms began to bump into one another with purpose. For the sake of the reader, the picture painted here will be one that shows the true significance of this two-sided molecular chaos. We will call this insignificant event, rugby. Since this is a two-sided event we will name one side Avusy—not much will be said about this side—and the other side is called the grasshoppers. Each of the competing organisms will be named but all are fictional names. The biological blitzkrieg commenced with a try that was caused by Avusy going against the laws of nature giving the Grasshoppers 7 fictional points, literally. All points are fictional, they are made up… then a “person” called “Hugh” crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground and gave his buddy “Tom” who kicked the contained air over one stick and between two, more fictional points, 7 of them. Grasshoppers 14 – 0 Avusy.
Again, a “human” called “Jaydon” crossed a line with the contained air and touched it to the ground. The contained air was unable to move through the sticks. Grasshoppers 19 – 0 Avusy. Then his half “oppressor/countryman,” “Cameron” crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground. Funny, this time “Tom” was able to move the contained air through the sticks for “Cameron” but not for “Jaydon”….hmmm…..hmmm… Grasshoppers 26 – 0 Avusy. Then the largest, brick-shit-house nature has ever built and also a fun fella “Tim”—a character on South Park— crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground. “Tom” was also able to move the contained air through the three sticks. Grasshoppers 33– 0 Avusy. Then yadda, yadda, yadda “Jess” crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground. “Tom” was again able to move the contained air through the three sticks. Grasshoppers 40– 0 Avusy. Then there was a break and yadda, yadda, yadda, “Jess” crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground. “Tom” was again able to move the contained air through the three sticks. Grasshoppers 47– 0 Avusy. Then “Leo” who has really good hair crossed a line and touched contained air to the ground. “Tom” was again able to move the contained air through the three sticks. Grasshoppers 54– 0 Avusy. Finally, this story ends much as it started fictitiously with some other cell-splitting creature crossing some line and “Tom” moving the contained air through a few sticks. Grasshoppers 61– 0 Avusy. There is almost nothing more important to the reader of this report than this game and nothing more insignificant in the scope of the universe than this clashing of biology we call rugby.
(Von: Jess Roberson)