So as to ensure that they would all be late for the group check in the 300 met at Zürich airport for a preflight drink. After finding the group check in point and meeting the new Gnome from across the Atlantic an intellectual conversation began regarding how the trolley weighing machine works followed by the weighing of the more heavy members of the 300. The party finally checked in were obliged to head straight to the departure lounge. The Basel boys were observed stocking up on duty free to ensure all orange juice supplied from the official tour bar was suitably diluted. Resplendent in their new Blazers the 300 entered the aircraft last so as to draw as much attention to themselves as possible.  

After receiving too little alcohol on the plane a somewhat suspiciously sober 300 arrived in Athens to be met by the local Spartans who prepared everyone for the long ride to the hotel with a book, T-Shirt and their first shots of Ouzo.

As the first evening began, Ted the Spartan and Liam the official tour historical guide showed the way to the Family restaurant for dinner. Entering into the sprit of good clean family entertainment the 300 provided table dancing, guidance in dispute resolution and left in exceedingly good spirits after a few more ouzos to find the Spartan pub. The local beer was found to be weak but the 300 were too thirsty to notice even though this was to form a staple part of the tour diet, incidentally the word diet comes from the Greek word diaita which means a way of life which in modern English means do not drink cheap local beer especially when it is called Mythos. To full to drink Mythos one of the 300 began his 3 day exhibition of how not to drink Vodka & Red bull. The night was still young when at 4 am the Obergnome discovered the official bar tender asleep while on duty in his hotel room and not able to join in a bar crawl.

For Friday the Spartans had organised beach rugby. The 300 went on ahead to look for the beach and to find a suitably defendable position. A place was found where there was no danger of spotting any beach rugby players and a lunch of white wine and dead sea things combined with other strange Greek food was had by all. When it was safe to leave some of the 300 went off to play a around of Golf because that what you do when you are on a rugby tour, the rest continued dieting. After some particularly hard dieting the 300 reformed to attend the official Spartan dinner. This time the 300 were segregated from the rest of Athens and were able to sing and drink Mythos and ouzo in relative peace. As the Elders of Zion joined the party old acquaintances were renewed, new ones made and it was reestablished that the pretty female one was still a scary person. Finally obviously missing his musical instruments an incoherent member lost his way on the way out and had to be rescued after being found in the elevator.

As adopted Spartans the 300 continued with their mission to meet and influence the local population and especially all other hotel guests while conscientiously checking that all other members of the 300 had safely made it back to their rooms at 4 am in the morning. The difficulty in gaining access to rooms resulting in a lot of banging on doors and associated shouting which was clearly misinterpreted by the other hotel guests. In fact such was the commitment to the other hotels guest comfort the 300 also controlled the safety of keeping elevator doors open with various body parts while being unconscious at the same time.

On Saturday the 300 were bused to the sports arena where they split up into the Gnomes, Spring cows and Elders of Zion , warmed up got injured remixed reformed played the Spartans, got injured remixed reformed and played each other and so it went on. The Eldest of the 300 scored a try and showed the youngest how to play ruff without punching the biggest player on the other side and to round things off resurrected the fine art of bar diving while collecting his trophy from the one legged Israeli ambassador. After massacring everyone on the field, friend and foe alike, the biggest of the youngest banged his head and then it was finally safe to volunteer to play for the other side. The Obergnome finally caught a ball and the rest showed how bunnies could dance and suddenly it was all over.

Dinner was surprisingly held in a fairly posh Italian restaurant, the 300 were tired and surprisingly well behaved.

Sunday arrived the remaining 300 along with a few of the Zions were met by Liam to be taken to visit their old hotel which someone had renamed the Acropolis. For some strange reason the 300 forswore taxi’s and spent most of the morning on a tram travelling in the direction of downtown Athens. After finally finding the front door to the Acropolis the founding member of the 300 almost failed to pass through after not being able to stick his newly purchased sticky plastic squashy tomato to it and for his efforts being soundly told off by some very scary spartanets. Undeterred and getting very thirsty the 300 mounted the Acropolis. While mounting, the official tour historical guide Liam gave his version of the real history of the Acropolis which being far too interesting was not permitted by another of the scary spartanets so the 300 rescued from culture continued mounting. However, on the plus side as the hotel was broken and under repair the 300 where able to quickly dismount and find a local tavern. A long lunch ensued where the 300 after drinking Metaxa (ok it improves after the first bottle) and Retsina (what on earth were they thinking about) were entertained by accordion music and team falling of chairs (cf. YouTube). Not finding any Windex to drink one of the younger of the 300 brought culture back to the table by explaining why Syphilis and Herpes were Greek words, not being distracted by this the founding member was cooled down by the Tavern owner who graciously supplied the bucket of water and it was time to go. Having to get back to the Hotel quickly some of the 300 went off on a long bar crawl and so as not to get lost cleverly took Liam along with them. Not knowing the way some of the others opted for an early taxi to a bus stop on the edge of town and paid handsomely for the ride.

Monday arrived the 300 were pale and shaky. A trip to the airport the last Mythos and it was all over.